On June 3rd, 2013, I had my first appointment with my new family doctor. The office was conveniently located to our new home, the receptionists were really nice, and the space was clean, and to make things that much better, the doctor took patients throughout the evening so I didn't have to take time off work and wait in lines to see anyone.
When we met, we shook hands, and I immediately noticed his charming Irish accent. I was smitten! He started asking me questions, going over my medical history, what pills I had taken, etc. and when he discovered I wasn't using any contraceptives, I smiled and told him we were trying to start a family.
Surprised?
In February 2013, while on our Valentine's date, Aaron and I decided that I would not refill my prescription for my birth control. I'd been on it since I was 17, and I wanted to give my body time to recover. With my IC condition, I felt like my body was wrecked. We discussed using other forms of control, but ultimately, we decided we'd just let things play out - what happens, happens.
However, in late April 2013 we decided we wanted to start TRYING trying. We weren't super active though, but decided that we would REALLY get on the bandwagon in San Francisco. During our trip and in the weeks that passed, we were putting in a valiant effort to conceive. We didn't tell anyone about our plans, as we were already getting enough pressure from family and friends to "get with it and make babies". We didn't want to add fuel to the fire, so to speak.
Right away, the doctor sent me to the bathroom to take a test just to be sure. I sat in the doctor's room twiddling my thumbs, sure that he'd be coming back with a negative. After all, I'd taken a test the week before only to receive a negative result. But he walked back into the room with a smirk and said "Well, it's kinda on the fence!" What does that even mean?????? You can't be kind of pregnant! He said that it read as a negative, but his sixth sense told him to wait a minute. Suddenly, it changed. He said that he wanted me on prenatals right away, and wanted me to wait until Thursday, 3 days from then, to get a blood test to be sure, and to see him on Friday. I thanked him and made an appointment at the front desk.
I was excited at the possibility, but I felt so alone. I couldn't tell anyone! I didn't want to tell my husband in case it turned out to be negative... I didn't want him to go through that. And we hadn't told anyone else we were even trying! So I picked up some prenatal supplements, drove home to my empty house with Aaron at school for the night, and went about my nightly chores. I made dinner, I watched Real Housewives, I pet the cats, I played around on Pinterest, I downloaded all our San Fran pictures from our camera, and I made myself busy enough to not think about it!
And then Tuesday came... and Wednesday came and went... and it was all so much more painful to wait than I'd expected. However, Thursday was finally here! Off I went to the labs to get my blood checked for signs that we had conceived! I spent the day at work wondering what was going to happen... and then I went to the bathroom and started spotting, and suddenly got very paranoid.
All week long I'd been having "symptoms". I was told it was just phenomenons, the way that when you think you're sick with something, you pick up on cues that normally wouldn't alarm you. I was having tenderness in my breasts and not feeling well. I was wondering if my body was playing tricks on me. And now with the spotting, I was sure the test was negative. I was sick to my stomach.
Friday finally arrived, and my doctor visit wasn't until 4:50pm. Another full day of waiting. It was a day full of butterflies in my stomach, and I couldn't concentrate on anything.
I sat on the chair in his office waiting room... waiting eagerly for the news on whether or not I was going to be a mom, whether Aaron and I were going to be parents. I had a family party to attend that night, and I was trying to tell myself that no matter what the results were, no matter what came from the doctor's mouth, I had to have a straight face that night. If it was positive, I couldn't spill the beans. If it was negative, I'd have to wipe my tears and move on with life with no signs that anything was wrong.
I was called into the room, and they closed the door. I was minutes away from a word that was going to change my life, OUR life forever. Within 60 seconds, he was in the room, chart in hand, and my own heart was in my throat. It was either going to be a no, and we'd keep trying (practicing WAS fun after all!), or a yes and our worlds were about to change forever!
Stay tuned!
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