A letter to my baby...

Peanut,

Before we knew what our future held, before we knew what path we would take, and before we knew what our lives would become, we knew that you were in our plan... at some point.

I went wedding dress shopping with my girlfriends on November 26th, 2011. On the way home, they asked what I'd do with my dress after the wedding, and I thought of you. I thought about making a gown for my someday child, or a blanket for the someday nursery. I thought about how much I loved your father and wanted to someday raise a baby with him after saying I do. Now, almost exactly 2 years later, I feel you inside me, kicking and swimming and playing and moving, and I remember how much I loved you even before you were a real thought.

You have grown so much since we first found out we were having you 24 weeks ago - you've gone from a speck of dust to a 2.5lb baby. June 7th I got the test results. I cried and cried happy tears. I continue to cry happy tears when I see your picture or hear your heartbeat or even just think about how much I can't wait to meet you. I cry because you are the final piece of my puzzle. I hope to never have to tell you about the struggles I've had in my life, and how sometimes things seemed dire. Sometimes I had no hope that my life would be happy and complete. Sometimes I struggled to find air. But the moment I met your dad, I found hope, I found my happy place, I found my oxygen. And although he and I had our fair share of obstacles, we fought our way through them because we knew that this life we've built together was worth fighting for. And now, you're growing inside me and your daddy kisses you through my belly every morning. He helps me up when I am tired, literally, and holds my hand when I feel I need a little extra help. The struggles I've had in life were worth it because it all led me to this life that I have now, and led me to creating you with your father. You are the missing puzzle piece, the thing I dreamed about and imagined when I was a little girl, even before I knew that a boy had to be part of the process. I've always wanted you, and here you are.

We really can't wait to meet you. We have 11 more weeks to wait, and we're getting our home ready for you to join it and our family. We are counting down the days, waiting for you because when you make your grand, screaming entrance into this big, beautiful world, life will be complete - you'll be the best part of our life. You have no idea how much you are already loved by so many people. Your grandparents, your uncles and aunt, your great uncles and great aunts, your cousins, our friends, our coworkers... everyone is waiting for you to become part of our days. We are all so excited to see who you will become. Will you have brown hair or red? Will you have brown eyes or blue? Will you be chubby like me or thin like your dad was? Will you be full of gusto or calm and serene? Will you want everyone to hear you or be a wallflower? Will you have your grandpa's nose or your grandma's ears? You have so many special things to show us... and I can't wait to know you.

Stay in there for 11 more weeks, okay baby, but when you're ready, we'll be ready to hold you and love you and remind you every day that you're the best thing that's ever happened to us. You've given me a reason to believe in miracles and given me hope that I have something good to give another little being. I can't wait to be your momma!


Love Mom

First Anniversary in Seaside, OR

With our first anniversary in the horizon, I asked my lovely husband where he might like to celebrate. Of course, he had no concrete ideas, so I decided for us: Seaside, OR. Being 6 months pregnant, I didn't want to do a 6 - 7 hour drive there in one day after a week of work, so we decided to break up the trip a little and spend our first night in Tacoma.

Our trip started just as every trip to the US has... with a stop at Sheri's for breakfast and pie!

 

After filling our stomachs with breakfast and pie-to-go, we headed to Bellis Fair for some shopping at Target, a massage for Aaron, and a new Christmas ornament to add to our collection!

 

Once we were done there, we headed over to the Seattle Premium Outlets. We always stop there, and always leave feeling disappointed because of the lack of real sales but c'est la vie! Back on the road after the hour or so stop, and we hit Seattle just as the sun was going down and traffic came to a stand-still!

 

It took us almost 2 hours to get from outside of Seattle to Tacoma. We were starving by this point, and after checking in to our hotel, we headed to our favorite chain - RED LOBSTER - for some eats!

 

When we were completely full on a feast of seafood, all we could think about was lying in bed and watching tv before a long drive the next morning. The below is a photo that Aaron took of my very pregnant belly stuffed with a Junior Mint!

 

The next morning, after fighting with a gang of teenaged soccer girls to get in line for the continental breakfast, we made our way further south to Oregon!

 



After a quick stop at Joanne's for fabric and Fred Meyer for wine for the man, we finally checked in to the Best Western Oceanside in Seaside, OR.

 

Our room was small, but the hotel itself was quite nice for a tiny town, and although I had hoped for an upgrade to a nicer, larger room perhaps with an ocean view, we made the most of it because we were together. We quickly threw our stuff down and headed out to the promenade, where we were met with the most amazing sight!

 

The beach in Seaside is a wonder. It seems like it lasts forever, and the waves alone were worth the 7 hour drive! After a lovely hand-in-hand walk along the beach, we walked down the main strip of town to a nice little restaurant called Twisted Fish.

 

Aaron enjoyed his burger, fries, and beer, and I had a gourmet grilled cheese sandwich with sweet potato fries. My Shirley Temple wasn't pleasant, but other than that, it was a nice meal!

 

After some relaxing in our room, we headed back out for dinner. We weren't sure what we wanted, but we ended up at Finn's after some good reviews online.

 

Aaron ordered the clam linguine, which is a favorite of his, and I wasn't super hungry so I settled on a bowl of clam chowder and a ceasar salad. I must say that it was one of the best chowders I've ever had, and totally hit the spot.

 

The next morning after a very rough sleep and an upset belly, I presented Aaron with a little surprise for our official first wedding anniversary - a caramel apple and a card. It's our thing! He was surprised, and later presented me with my card as well. I'm so glad we didn't waste money on gifts, and instead just enjoyed each other and our mini-vacation!

 

After breakfast and another beautiful walk on the beach on a gorgeous November day, we walked around town exploring what Seaside had to offer! We purchased a Christmas ornament, which is what we do every vacation since we met, and we stopped off at an ice cream parlor for an old-fashioned root beer smoothie!

 

At that point, I was pretty much done for the day, so we made our way back to the hotel for a quick nap. We finally woke up after two hours, and I felt a little better, so we ventured back to Finn's to enjoy the soup and salad again! :) The rest of the afternoon was spent in the room drinking gingerale, eating pringles, and watching Ridiculousness on tv.

 

We wanted dinner to be special, and we picked a little place recommended by the front desk clerk. It was called Norma's, and I remembered reading good reviews. Although the food was pretty good, the atmosphere was lacking. We chalked it up to being a small town, but I sort of wished that we'd been in a nicer place that wasn't baby blue with booth seating and spiral-bound laminated menus. However, having said that, we again just enjoyed being together and spoiling ourselves with good food and fancy virgin drinks for me, and beer and wine for Aaron.

 



 

We both got salad to start, and then I got the crab cakes and Aaron got a steak, both with baked potatoes. My crab cakes were delicious, and Aaron enjoyed his stead, even though it was slightly over-cooked. 

Our first anniversary came to a close, and we were sad to be leaving!

All in all, we thoroughly enjoyed our vacation, even though Monday's 10 hour trip back home was exhausting. We loved knowing that we survived our first year of marriage, and knew that we were still so in love and so anxious to share these kinds of experiences in the future with our baby. We agreed that we'd love to go back to Seaside again next year with the baby now that we know what to expect! We'll play in the sand, lay around on beach blankets, maybe have a bonfire at night and roast marshmallows.

I will never forget this trip because I'm pretty sure that I fell in love with Aaron all over again. Knowing how protective he was of me through the trip, always checking on me and still reminding me how pretty I am made me thankful that I chose him as the person I'll spend the rest of my life with. I really couldn't be any happier!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Do you remember playing that game when you were little? Pulling the petals off a flower, hoping that you would end up with the last petal exclaiming that HE LOVES ME! 5 years ago, I was playing this game in my head... hoping I'd find someone who would love me.

I had a very real, very vivid Oprah-inspired AHA! moment on my way to work yesterday. I was thinking about how much my life has changed over 5 years. In early 2008, my BFF and I were partying like the bar stars we were, drinking, eating late-night poutine, flirting with boys, hoping that one of them would still be Mr. Right the next morning. They were all Mr. Wrong... in fact, most of them were Mr. Very Wrong.

In 3 days I will officially be 6 months pregnant. In 4 days, I'll have been married a full year. When I was a little girl, this is the life I wanted. I wanted to get married, buy a home, have a baby. I wanted a husband who loved me with no conditions, 2 cats, and a dog. The only piece missing is the dog. I can wait for a dog. I can't handle a dog right now. Someday.

Aaron, however, never pictured himself married. He never thought he'd be a husband. Never imagined being a father. For sure never thought he'd own a home. He told me right after we started dating that he wasn't sure what he wanted 5 years from then. I knew exactly what I wanted. The only thing we agreed on is that we wanted to be together.

So here's my AHA realization: He has given me everything I ever wanted, and I have given him everything he never knew he wanted until he had it. We have grown so much over the last 5 years, and especially in the last 3 years, and more so in the last year. We went from immature individuals to a dedicated couple to an engaged couple to a married couple to expectant parents in 5 years. That's a lot of change. Even more, since we got married on November 10th one year ago, we have fallen even more in love. We moved into our first home, did renovations, made our house our home, started trying for children, took vacations, found out we were having a baby, and readied ourselves for parenthood. It's a lot of change for one year. It's a lot of big changes for any couple. But the best part of this whole change: we've done it together and it's made us better people. We've grown closer as a married duo and we've discovered the real meaning of family. It was a very rocky, traumatic road to get to this point, but we got here... together.

This was the first moment he saw me walking down the aisle... and I'll never forget that moment of seeing my future husband waiting for me in front of our family and friends. That one first moment was probably the single best moment of my life and still makes me cry.

I will never claim that either of us is perfect or that we have the perfect relationship, but what I will say is that every time I think about him, I still get butterflies in my tummy. When he kisses me, I still feel like I love kissing him back. When he leads me into a room, I'm still proud to be on his arm. When he tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful, I fully believe him. When he makes me coffee every morning, I smile. When he makes me laugh, I fall more in love with him. And when he rubs my belly and talks to the baby, I couldn't love him more.

I can't wait to see what this next year will bring. We'll celebrate our 2 year anniversary with a 9 month old baby on our hips... and I'll bet it will be the best one yet!