Wednesday, November 6, 2013

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Do you remember playing that game when you were little? Pulling the petals off a flower, hoping that you would end up with the last petal exclaiming that HE LOVES ME! 5 years ago, I was playing this game in my head... hoping I'd find someone who would love me.

I had a very real, very vivid Oprah-inspired AHA! moment on my way to work yesterday. I was thinking about how much my life has changed over 5 years. In early 2008, my BFF and I were partying like the bar stars we were, drinking, eating late-night poutine, flirting with boys, hoping that one of them would still be Mr. Right the next morning. They were all Mr. Wrong... in fact, most of them were Mr. Very Wrong.

In 3 days I will officially be 6 months pregnant. In 4 days, I'll have been married a full year. When I was a little girl, this is the life I wanted. I wanted to get married, buy a home, have a baby. I wanted a husband who loved me with no conditions, 2 cats, and a dog. The only piece missing is the dog. I can wait for a dog. I can't handle a dog right now. Someday.

Aaron, however, never pictured himself married. He never thought he'd be a husband. Never imagined being a father. For sure never thought he'd own a home. He told me right after we started dating that he wasn't sure what he wanted 5 years from then. I knew exactly what I wanted. The only thing we agreed on is that we wanted to be together.

So here's my AHA realization: He has given me everything I ever wanted, and I have given him everything he never knew he wanted until he had it. We have grown so much over the last 5 years, and especially in the last 3 years, and more so in the last year. We went from immature individuals to a dedicated couple to an engaged couple to a married couple to expectant parents in 5 years. That's a lot of change. Even more, since we got married on November 10th one year ago, we have fallen even more in love. We moved into our first home, did renovations, made our house our home, started trying for children, took vacations, found out we were having a baby, and readied ourselves for parenthood. It's a lot of change for one year. It's a lot of big changes for any couple. But the best part of this whole change: we've done it together and it's made us better people. We've grown closer as a married duo and we've discovered the real meaning of family. It was a very rocky, traumatic road to get to this point, but we got here... together.

This was the first moment he saw me walking down the aisle... and I'll never forget that moment of seeing my future husband waiting for me in front of our family and friends. That one first moment was probably the single best moment of my life and still makes me cry.

I will never claim that either of us is perfect or that we have the perfect relationship, but what I will say is that every time I think about him, I still get butterflies in my tummy. When he kisses me, I still feel like I love kissing him back. When he leads me into a room, I'm still proud to be on his arm. When he tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful, I fully believe him. When he makes me coffee every morning, I smile. When he makes me laugh, I fall more in love with him. And when he rubs my belly and talks to the baby, I couldn't love him more.

I can't wait to see what this next year will bring. We'll celebrate our 2 year anniversary with a 9 month old baby on our hips... and I'll bet it will be the best one yet!

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